Marriage basics

A Sacrament. Marriage is one of the seven sacraments, and it was established as such by Christ. It is one of the two sacraments of commitment, along with holy orders, and it is a beautiful and meaningful way to live out one’s baptismal faith as an adult.

Definition. Marriage is a covenant of love between a man and a woman. It is a vocation, a special calling by God, in which, by the providence of God, a man and woman are led to each other and are blessed with a singular love for each other. In marriage, the husband and wife are united and establish a lifetime partnership for the well-being and happiness of each other, for the raising and formation of their children, and ultimately, to help each other reach the eternal wedding banquet, everlasting life in heaven with God, the angels and the saints.

Conditions. A marriage is between a man and a woman. At least one must be a baptized Catholic. The man must be at least 16 years of age and the woman at least 14 (Canon 1083). Parental permission is required for a person under the age of 20. Each must be free to marry, that is, currently not married. This is determined if neither was previously married, if a person’s previous spouse is deceased, or if there was a former valid or invalid marriage that no longer exists as certified by a civil divorce decree and a declaration of nullity. The person must enter the marriage freely, without fear, force or coercion; have the maturity to understand the nature and responsibilities of marriage; commit to the union for life; be open to children; and accept the obligation to be faithful.

Permanence. The marriage bond is sealed by God. The two become one flesh, and they are not to be separated (Mt 19:5-6 and Mk 10:8-9). As the covenant of love between God and human beings is permanent, so the covenant of love between husband and wife is unbreakable and indissoluble for their own benefit, the benefit of their children, the stability of society and the strength of the Church. Their enduring love also serves as a witness to the nature of God’s love.

Preparation. The parish and diocese have requirements that help an engaged couple prepare for marriage, and a combination of people typically assist the couple during the process: a priest, deacon, parish wedding coordinator, parish staff member, mentor couple, counselor or parishioner. The usual requirements include conferences, workshops, reading materials, a pre-marriage inventory, liturgy preparation and a retreat. The program covers the theology and spirituality of marriage, growth in holiness as individuals and as a couple, prayer, communication, conflict resolution, finances, common interests, sexuality, natural family planning, roles, parenting, family dynamics and spiritual beliefs. Several documents are also required, five by the Church: a newly issued baptismal certificate for each, the freedom to marry form for each and the prenuptial questionnaire, as well as a civil marriage license. Finally, the sacrament of reconciliation is recommended prior to the wedding.

Ministers and witnesses. The spouses mutually confer upon each other the sacrament of matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church (Catechism No. 1623). The ordinary minister for the sacrament of marriage is a bishop, priest or deacon who receives their consent. In places where there is a lack of priests and deacons, the bishop can delegate a layperson to officiate. There must also be two witnesses present.

Location. A marriage is celebrated in a parish church, ideally the parish where the bride and groom are members and worship regularly. It typically is celebrated at the home parish of either the bride or the groom. Sometimes, with the necessary permissions, a marriage is celebrated in another church, an oratory, the chapel of a Catholic college where one or both attended, or in a military chapel, if one or both are active duty or veterans. Catholic weddings are not celebrated in secular venues or outdoors.

Father Van Sloun retired this year as pastor of St. Bartholomew in Wayzata. This column is one in a series on the sacrament of marriage.