Woven rope

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As an engaged couple prepares to celebrate the sacrament of marriage, an important part of the process is the preparation of their wedding liturgy. Many parishes encourage the couple to select the Scripture readings, and suggestions are provided by the Lectionary, the liturgical book with the readings for Mass, as well as most Catholic marriage preparation booklets.

I make a special offer to couples: “If you have another Scripture text not included on the recommended list that has special meaning for you, I would be glad to consider it.” One couple requested Ecclesiastes 4:9a, 10, 12.

The Book of Ecclesiastes is part of the wisdom literature of the Old Testament, and it contains a short passage with some sensible, somewhat obscure, advice on companionship and cooperation between fellow workers. Several of the verses, particularly the image of the three-ply cord, can be reinterpreted to apply to marriage and the spiritual nature of the relationship between husband and wife.

It begins with a statement of the obvious: “Two are better than one” (Eccl 4:9a). For those called by God to the vocation of marriage, it is better to be united to your spouse and enjoy a lifetime of companionship than to live alone. Before meeting, the man and woman were individuals, single strands of rope. When they met, the two ropes drew side-by-side, but they were not connected or pulling together.

With conversation and shared experiences, kindnesses exchanged, increasing joy and a deepening friendship, their two ropes began to twist together, loosely at first and more tightly over time. This follows the principles of engineering. If one strand of rope is strong, two equal strands together are stronger, and if the ropes are intertwined their strength increases even more. Examples would be the addition of wires to a cable or strands to a rope, and the strengthening effect of weaving the strands is evident in the steel cables of a suspension bridge or the nylon ropes used for anchors or water skiing.

The text goes on to explain: “If one falls, the other will help the fallen one. But woe to the solitary person!” (Eccl 4:10). Spouses help each other, particularly when times are tough. Acts of assistance and charity shared day after day tighten the weave of the rope. The goal is for their two strands to become so firmly interlocked that they will never unravel.

At the outset the text mentions only two ropes and concludes with an unexpected twist and a wise observation: “A three-ply cord is not easily broken” (Eccl 4:12b). Why three? At first glance a marriage appears to be a two-party relationship between the husband and wife, but there is a third cord — God. Every marriage is a three-way relationship between God, the unseen partner, and the husband and wife, the visible partners. God is the middle cord, the spiritual center of every marriage. God is love (1 Jn 4:8, 16), and when the love of God is the bond between husband and wife, the rope becomes so strong that it can withstand hurricane-force winds and will never fray or come apart.

The goal of a Christian marriage is for the three marriage partners to weave a loving relationship. When a husband or wife prays, receives the sacraments, lives uprightly and does good deeds, they draw closer to God, and mysteriously and wondrously, as they grow closer to God, they grow closer to each other. Furthermore, when a husband or wife truly loves their spouse, when they are patient, kind, trusting, modest, humble, polite, concerned, gentle, self-controlled, compassionate, forgiving, truthful and virtuous (see 1 Cor 13:4-6, 13), they grow closer to each other, and mysteriously and wondrously, as they grow closer to each other, they grow closer to God. Some say that marriage is about “tying the knot,” but it might be better explained spiritually as “weaving a rope” — a three ply cord.

Father Van Sloun is the interim clergy services director for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. This column is part of a series on the sacrament of marriage.