Life seemed to be falling into place for Deacon Sam Gilbertson in the first months after he graduated in May 2015 from Franciscan University in Steubenville with a major in finance and a minor in economics.
The Faribault native was living in the Twin Cities and dating a wonderful Catholic woman from Colorado, with an eye toward marriage and a family. He was working full time as a product specialist in the life insurance division of an insurance and financial services firm. He enjoyed putting to work what he had learned and the opportunities it presented to help others. There was a lot to look forward to.
But as Deacon Gilbertson prepares for ordination to the priesthood with four other men May 28 at the Cathedral of St. Paul in St. Paul, he describes a growing restlessness he could not brush aside. Home schooled at Sacred Heart in Faribault (which later joined with Immaculate Conception and St. Lawrence parishes to form Divine Mercy), he greatly enjoyed being involved with the parish and in such ministries as a youth group that assisted younger students with confirmation and an annual retreat. The family’s home school group of more than 40 students held weekly Masses, formed a choir and shared outings.
“I remember people saying, ‘Sam, you should be a priest.’ It was quite a compliment.” But his reply was, “Thanks, but no thanks,” he recalled. “There was fear, a barrier in me. I was very Type A, ‘This is my vision, what I want to get out of life.’ So, I wasn’t really open to discovering anything else, because I didn’t really like how that sounded.”
Still, the days he spent volunteering at his parish lived strong in his memory. “It drew a lot out of me, it gave me a lot of life,” Deacon Gilbertson said.
He was conflicted. “I was in love. This is what I wanted. But, deep down, there was a restlessness,” he said.
Deacon Gilbertson’s parents, Darrin and Karen Gilbertson, and his five siblings supported him, and several suggested he undertake a 33-day consecration to Jesus through Mary. With that came the beginning of clarity.
“It was after my consecration that I was able to say, ‘I’m really serious. I want to follow your Son,” he said.
As he continued dating, he asked: What did Jesus want?
“The restlessness came up a lot more,” Deacon Gilbertson said. “I remember distinctly one day, restlessness bubbling up, I cried out, ‘Lord, what the hell is going on?’”
The Lord seemed to reply: “’Maybe that’s not what I want for you.’ That feeling was very real. It hit me like a ton of bricks, really. I put on my running shoes, just to blow off some steam. I realized I was not free to make this decision to marry. There was a lot of conversion and grace then,” he said. “I realized I needed time, to step away and give the Lord a little window. That’s really all he needed.”
Not long after, he attended a retreat led by Archbishop Bernard Hebda for men discerning the priesthood. He shared his situation with then-Auxiliary Bishop Andrew Cozzens, now leader of the Diocese of Crookston, who suggested the Lord was trying to tell him something. The bishop encouraged Deacon Gilbertson to attend daily Mass to better hear Jesus’ voice.
“My prayer was really simple,” Deacon Gilbertson said. “I just kind of surrendered.” Not feeling a strong desire for the priesthood, he prayed, “But I give you permission to change my desire. I want what you want.”
Slowly, Deacon Gilbertson’s desire changed. “I could see myself being a priest and being really happy, really feeling fulfilled.”
He applied for The St. Paul Seminary, was accepted in fall 2016 and now is studying in Rome, where he will spend one more year after ordination to wrap up studies in dogmatic theology with an emphasis on the sacraments. He looks forward to sharing the Lord’s goodness with others, he said. He could do that teaching or taking on other ministries, and only time will tell.
“It’s been six years now,” he said of his seminary formation. “I’m looking at ordination just down the pipeline. But my sense of peace has just grown.”
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