Three flowers of marriage

The lower portion of a stained-glass window on the sacrament of marriage at St. Boniface in Minneapolis depicts three red flowers as a symbol of the sacrament. COURTESY FATHER MICHAEL VAN SLOUN

A beautiful symbol for the sacrament of marriage is an arrangement of three flowers, most often roses, sometimes carnations. But they can be any kind of flower. The middle flower is taller, while the side flowers are shorter and equal in height. Most artists portray all three flowers as red, a few depict the center flower as red and the side flowers as white, and occasionally all three flowers are shown as white.

A marriage is between two persons, yet this symbol has three flowers. The reason is that there are three parties to every Christian marriage. Two can be seen, the wife and the husband, and one cannot be seen, but is the most important party to a marriage — God.

The taller flower in the middle represents God. The flowers on either side represent the wife and the husband. The taller flower’s position between the other two says metaphorically that God is the center of every Christian marriage.

Usually, the middle flower is red. Red is a symbol for love, and God is love (1 Jn 4:8,16). God loves both the wife and the husband individually and the couple collectively, and they both joyfully love God in return. Imitating God, the wife and husband have a deep love for each other. Love is the bond they share. God is the unifying force that brings them together and keeps them united.

Red is the color of blood. When Jesus died on the cross, blood flowed from his wounded side (Jn 19:34). Jesus laid down his life as a sacrifice on the cross (Jn 15:13). He emptied himself (Phil 2:7). He poured out everything he had without holding back, and he did so freely and willingly. Similarly, a wife and husband pledge to lay down their lives for each other as living sacrifices (Rom 12:1), to empty themselves without holding back, to give their entire lives to each other, and to do so freely and willingly.

Red is the color of the wine used at Mass. At the Last Supper, Jesus promised to give everyone who receives his body and blood the grace and strength necessary to be his disciples (Jn 6:53-58). Red is a reminder for every married couple to attend Mass regularly and receive the blood of Christ devoutly, because through the regular reception of the Eucharist the couple will receive the graces needed to be steadfast in love.

The center flower is taller. God outranks the wife and the husband. God is the teacher and supreme authority in every Christian marriage. When any sort of decision must be made, God’s way is the right way, and God is the one who gets the last word.

The side flowers are the same height to indicate that the wife and husband are equal (Gn 2:21-22). This was a novel thought in an ancient patriarchal culture in which the husband exercised a property right over his wife. Jesus would have none of it. He said the two are “one flesh” (Mk 10:8), the same substance, equal. Sometimes one spouse tries to win, to get ahead. But to lord authority over another is contrary to the Gospel (Mt 20:25-27). A Christian marriage is mutual and grounded in service gladly given.

Finally, the side flowers sometimes are white, an allusion to baptism. Both the baptismal garment and candle are white. It means that the wife and husband intend to live out their baptismal faith as adults within the sacrament of marriage.

Father Van Sloun recently retired as pastor of St. Bartholomew in Wayzata. This column is part of a series on the sacrament of marriage. Read more Faith Fundamentals.