How not to be drawn into faith-related arguments and discussions this Christmas

Christmas is a time when family members gather. Sometimes tension is part of the reunion between those for whom Mass is a central part of the celebrations and those who only attend Mass on Christmas Day and Easter — or those who no longer attend Mass, said Molly Schorr, director of religious education at Incarnation Church in Sarasota, Florida.

As people grow more comfortable gathering in this stage of the COVID-19 pandemic, “the most important thing is to be grateful for those gathered around the table,” Schorr said, “to share with them how much you love them and how glad you are that they are able to be there in person.”

Be patient with yourself and your loved ones, Schorr said.

“First and foremost, they need to know we are in their corner and we love them,” she said. That’s one of the first steps to building a bridge of trust for having conversations that dive more deeply, she said, including whether or how to invite non-church-going loved ones to Mass.

Before moving to Florida in 2019, Schorr worked in faith formation ministry in the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis for 18 years. That included 12 years as youth minister and director of parish life and evangelization at St. Vincent de Paul in Brooklyn Park. She recently joined “Practicing Catholic” radio show host Patrick Conley to offer tips on handling faith-related conversations.

Schorr founded a program titled Return, a seven-part series that helps individuals hold conversations with loved ones to help draw them back to the faith. Parishes can host the series online or offer it in person.

She talked with Conley about a visit from her youngest sister, who had strayed from the faith. Schorr’s family goes to Mass each week.

“And I had an opportunity to either push it because she was staying with us, and otherwise she’d sit at home with no car,” she said, “or use it as an invitation.”

Schorr decided to say, “Hey, if you want to come with us, we’d love to have you. Otherwise, you can borrow my husband’s car, and we’ll meet up with you for dinner afterward.” And her sister chose to join them for Mass.

Schorr saw it as a seed to be planted. Not adding pressure about attendance tends to help loved ones feel that “it’s about the relationship with them,” she said.

“That is the most important — that we’re seeking this relationship and this growth with them as a person, and not ‘we love them only if they go to Mass and only if they do what we ask them to do in the walls of our home,’” she said.

“I think the biggest thing, honestly, comes down to our ability to translate the joy of our faith to our loved ones,” she said, especially at Advent and Christmas, which can be stressful, “and sometimes brings out the worst in people, depending on their stress level.”

To hear Schorr’s tips on how not to be drawn into faith-related arguments and discussions this Christmas, listen to the full episode, which airs at 9 p.m. Dec. 10, 1 p.m. Dec. 11 and 2 p.m. Dec. 12 on Relevant Radio 1330 AM.

To learn more about the Faith series, visit ReturnFaith.org.

Produced by Relevant Radio and the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, the latest show also includes interviews with Jeff Cavins, who discusses the Bible in a Year podcast, which has taken the world by storm, and Elisabeth Holod and Andrew Kuhrmeyer, who describe this year’s two light shows and much more at the Cathedral of St. Paul in St. Paul.