Married love is patient and kind

If you are married, do you remember the Scripture texts that you chose for your wedding? Married or not, what Scripture text do you think is most popular for weddings? I am not aware of any studies on the topic, but in my experience, the hands down winner is 1 Corinthians 13. It has the famous and easily recognizable line, “Love is patient, love is kind” (1 Cor 13:4). Well over half of my engaged couples have chosen this text for their marriage liturgy.

Chapter 13 of First Corinthians is variously called the “Way of Love,” the “Hymn to Love” or “St. Paul’s Ode to Love.” St. Paul knew that Jesus had given a new commandment, “Love one another” (Jn 13:34), and he was aware of Jesus’ Great Commandment, “Love God and love your neighbor as yourself” (see Mt 22:37, 39). Even though St. Paul never listened to Jesus speak in person, he understood the priority that Jesus placed on love, and he took it upon himself to describe key aspects of true love.

This text is like the mission statement for a married couple. A mission statement contains the most important values and practices for an organization as a whole and the members or employees individually. Many companies have their employees review the mission statement periodically to keep them on course and true to their ideals. A few have their workers recite it together each day before their shift.

St. Paul put together a list of the key aspects of love, ways to implement Jesus’ Law of Love. They provide the values, practices and ideals that will keep a wife and husband on course. As a mission statement, it should not be read on their wedding day and forgotten, but it should be reviewed periodically. My sister and brother-in-law have the text on display in their home as a constant reminder. One of the most frequent sins that husbands and wives confess is impatience or unkindness toward their spouse. As a penance, I will frequently invite the penitent to prayerfully reread Corinthians Chapter 13 to review and recommit to their original mission statement.

The highest priority items are at the top of the list: patience and kindness. They are both traits of God’s love. God is patient with sinners, gives the benefit of the doubt, does not lose his temper, does not say mean things, is not quick to punish, offers second chances and is willing to wait. Spouses invariably offend each other. If they will be patient with each other as God is patient with them, their love will not only survive, it will flourish.

God is also kind. God always cares, wants only the best, is generous, benevolent, gentle and empowering. Love is never mean, sarcastic, rough or controlling. Rather, it is thoughtful, considerate, helpful and compassionate.

St. Paul continues with his list. Love is not jealous; it rejoices in the unique characteristics and special material blessings of others. It is not pompous or inflated; it is humble, modest and respectful. It is not rude; it is polite and well-mannered.

Love does not seek its own interest; it puts others and their wellbeing ahead of self. It is not quick-tempered; it is calm, cool and collected, and exercises healthy self-control and self-restraint. It does not brood over injury, it does not hold grudges, try to get even or seek to retaliate.

Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing; it is honest and trustworthy, orderly and law-abiding. It rejoices with the truth, it seeks the truth, speaks the truth, and upholds the truth. Love is ever-faithful, and it leads to authentic joy and freedom.

Father Van Sloun recently retired as pastor of St. Bartholomew in Wayzata. This column is one in a series on the sacrament of marriage. Read the series on the Eucharist and confirmation.