Wedding

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The question that the Pharisees posed to Jesus in Mark 10:2-16 is one which still comes up regularly today, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?”

It’s a legitimate question as we continue to see an increase of divorce, even among Christian families. Is it lawful then for a husband or wife to divorce from one another?

The best response to this question is the same one that Jesus gave to the Pharisees: “Because of the hardness of your hearts he (Moses) wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”

When Jesus responds to a situation with the words, “from the beginning,” he tries to remind us of God’s original intentions. In this particular situation, that marriage is between a man and a woman and is meant to be a covenant between the two: that they be faithful to one another, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor one another all the days of their lives (ref: The Consent, The Order of Celebrating Matrimony).

This union between a man and a woman is not to be taken lightly, and it is the reason why the Church strongly encourages couples who are preparing for marriage, even to the point of making it a requirement, to go through a marriage preparation process (typically at a minimum of six months). The marriage preparation process is the Church’s way of telling the couple that we are happy for them and take this seriously, and that we are doing our part to try and make sure this matrimony thrives because family life is so important.

The language used during the exchange of the consent between a man and woman at their marriage celebration is important, because we want them to understand the promise they are making to each other, as God is their witness: an indissoluble union.

If the above is true, then why did Moses allow a bill of divorce to be written? We turn back to Jesus who says, “Because of the hardness of your hearts.”

Sin is a very real threat in our lives and can be manifested in many ways, with its ultimate goal to separate us from the love of God, by breaking down and destroying family and relationships. Even the strongest of relationships can be broken if conversion and reconciliation are not sought out, and this is especially true for marriage. That “hardness of heart” that Jesus mentions is an unwillingness to seek conversion and reconciliation, to sacrifice and compromise, for the sake of the good of the other, and for oneself.

In our broken humanity, sin does real damage to people, including marriages. Not a surprise then that Moses, not God, would permit a bill of divorce as a way out for couples in an unhealthy relationship. (It’s worth noting here that an annulment in the Church is not a “Catholic divorce” because it recognizes that a marriage never took place.)

As Jesus reminds us, marriage is meant to be a beautiful union that should be fought for. Just as God’s love is unconditional and everlasting, let us do our best to exemplify that in our relationships. Strive to be childlike: honest, pure and innocent. Abide in his love, which keeps us united.

Father Ly is pastor of Presentation in Maplewood.

Sunday, Oct. 3
Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time