Five Miley family members called to teach, lead students toward God

Every school-day morning, Joe Miley walks into Cretin-Derham Hall high school in St. Paul to meet with students in his role as learning specialist. Above the entryway is the Lasallian crest called the “signum fidei” (sign of faith). A star in the crest symbolizes the story of the three Wise Men who followed the star to Bethlehem, trusting it would lead them to Christ, Miley said.

“It reminds me that the role of teachers is to lead their students toward God,” he said. “I think about that as I walk in the school every day. It’s pretty awesome.”

Joe, 29, isn’t the only Miley inspired by the call to serve students, academically and in their faith. His father, Frank, 59, has worked in education for 31 years and is Cretin-Derham’s president. His mother, Kathy, 59, teaches religion at Visitation School in Mendota Heights and has taught in Catholic schools for 24 years.

Joe’s roommate and best friend is Kevin, 27, one of his four brothers and a physical education teacher and athletic director at St. John the Baptist Catholic School in New Brighton, where he works with students in grades K-8. Their sister, Mary Kate, 23, is starting her second year teaching kindergarten at Annunciation Catholic School in Minneapolis. The three siblings and their parents are parishioners of Assumption in downtown St. Paul.

The other four Miley children chose different professions: Matt, 32, works in sales in New Jersey, and Tim, 30, works in sales in Chicago. Monica, 25, is a sales representative in the Twin Cities, and Caleb, 22, works for the city of St. Paul Parks and Recreation — but part of his job involves helping children with their homework.

Growing up, all seven Miley children attended then-IHM-St. Luke’s Catholic School (now St. Thomas More Catholic School) in St. Paul, and six attended Cretin-Derham Hall; the oldest, Matt, attended St. Thomas Academy in Mendota Heights.

The three teacher-siblings said they chose their own paths, but they were influenced by having parents as educators and role models who love and find joy in their work and in their faith.

Joe said he started considering an education career back in high school, probably because his parents work in Catholic education, and several teachers and coaches inspired him. “It got me thinking that, hey, this could be something that maybe I could do, and maybe I could have the same impact as somebody had on me,” he said.

His role models in the classroom and on the practice field were full of energy “and just were so present and let students know they wanted the best for us,” he said.

His parents never told him to become a teacher. “I think it was just their example,” he said. “They allowed me to discern what God was calling me to do” and where he would find purpose.

Kevin agrees. “They kind of left it up to us,” he said, “but they did push us to use our gifts and find out what God was wanting us to do. And that happened to land a few of us in teaching.”

Both parents said they didn’t push their children into education careers — well, Frank admitted to pushing Joe a bit. “I thought that was totally his calling,” he said. Frank suggested that Joe participate in a Lasallian teacher immersion program run by the Christian Brothers out of St. Mary’s University of Minnesota in Winona, where Joe transferred his sophomore year of college. “It changed his life,” Frank said.

“As parents, you just plant the seeds that education is important,” Kathy said.

Education is a doorway people can walk through to anything they want to do in this world, she said. “Not only will you be educated, but for these three that became teachers, they now want to do that for other people.”

God’s call

The essential question is, “Who is God calling you to be and are you using those gifts?” Kathy said. She sees that answered in all seven children. Among her three teachers, she said Joe’s job as a learning specialist takes patience “and he is the one that has it. So that is perfect for him.”

Mary Kate has been focused on young children since she was a young child herself, and that serves her well as a kindergarten teacher. “It takes a lot of patience and the right personality,” Kathy said.

And Kevin’s organizational skills fit those of an athletic director, making him “absolutely fabulous” for his position in physical education, she said.

“Their skills sets are perfect for what they’re doing,” she said. That’s not to say these will be their jobs for life, she said, because people grow and change, and needs for providing for families grow and change. “But for who they are right now, they’re fulfilling God’s call for who they are. And they’re providing that for many, many children.”

Mary Kate said her parents stressed the importance of education. “Growing up with that as a value, combined with faith, is such a big pillar in our family. It just made sense for some of us to go into that field. And seeing my parents come home from work happy was a big deal.”

Knowing her parents find joy and fulfillment in their careers also made Mary Kate feel good about her choice. She knows people whose parents tried to steer them from teaching careers because of the salary. “I’m so grateful my parents encouraged us and never tried to say ‘you can make more money doing this’ because it’s not about that,” she said.

Teaching was more than “just a job” for his parents, Joe said. “It really brought meaning to their lives,” he said. They talked about things that happened at their schools and they attended events at other schools.

“We’d get all excited about going to Holy Family (High School in Victoria) football and basketball games when my dad worked there (as president),” Joe said. “So, their jobs were very relational — the relationships with students, families and the larger community were really important. And I was really drawn to that.”

No strangers to large families, Frank and Kathy are from families with nine and 12 children, respectively. They met in New Orleans early in their careers, when each brought a group of high school students on retreat — Kathy from a Lasallian high school near Chicago and Frank from St. Thomas Academy, where he taught religion for 12 years.

With their own children, Frank said he and his wife stressed the importance of continually asking God, “What’s your vocation?”

“When you figure that out, you’re going to really enjoy your work for the rest of your life, and it’s going to feed you spiritually and literally in ways that you probably will never imagine,” he said.

Serving students

For Joe, the spiritual and practical came together in the Lasallian program as he worked with diverse student populations across the United States.

In one north St. Louis middle school, many students lived in poverty and were “behind the eight ball” academically, Joe said. School days and the school year were extended to help them catch up, and the school itself provided a safe haven in a fairly dangerous part of the city. The group also worked at a day care in inner city Kansas City while living in a homeless shelter and learning about Catholic social teaching.

He experienced the work being done at a Rhode Island school, where he saw the need for male role models and teachers in teenagers’ lives. He felt called to work with students who struggled “for whatever reason,” whether disability or family situation that “set them back a bit,” he said.

The experience with the Lasallian program led him toward special education, Joe said. And it taught him more about the Lasallian mission and the philosophies of the Christian Brothers, who founded Cretin High School long before its merger with Derham Hall, and whose values still influence the school. That includes their approach to accompanying and guiding young people from where they are to what they might be next.

“That really appealed to me,” Joe said. “And that’s central to how I work with the students. I think there’s enough people that are telling them what to do and trying to direct them. I’m more, ‘I’m with you,’ and I Iearned that from the Brothers.”

Today, Joe works with two other learning specialists at Cretin-Derham in “kind of a structured study hall.” Many of their students have diagnosed learning disabilities. Joe helps them with homework, organization, and strategies to cope with and overcome their disabilities.

His parents were his biggest influences when it comes to treating people with dignity and caring for the outsider, “just trying to be there for people.”

“They taught us that when you leave somebody, how do you want them to feel after you just interacted with them? And the answer is, ‘loved,’” he said.

When Kathy runs into former students, she said they never talk about curriculum. “They always talk about how you made them feel or the relationships that were important, and that is what teaching is about,” she said. “And I think that’s why I became a teacher, because it is about not only the relationship you have with your student, but creating relationships between other students.”

Kathy recalled words often attributed to St. Francis: Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words. “It’s like, how can you be the eyes, the ears, the hands of Christ among other human beings?” she said. “How do you help your students with conflict management? How do you help them learn kindness? How do you help them with life skills … and also teach your curriculum?”

As a teacher, Joe said he seeks his parents’ professional advice “all the time” — in challenging situations with students, communicating with students’ parents or addressing a concern with a colleague. He enjoys working with his father and watching him lead their school.

“I’m very proud to be his son,” he said. “I know his job is not easy and he has a lot of responsibilities, but at the same time, he doesn’t forget why he got into Catholic education and why he is where he is.”

For example, he knows his dad keeps a prayer list of people in the school community, when they are ill or have had cancer. “He prays for them at the start of each day,” he said, often out loud at the school’s morning service. And he stays involved in student activities with retreats and attending athletic and fine arts events.

“He’s taught me a lot as far as remembering why he got into (education)” and where one finds meaning, Joe said.

Joe also talks through situations with his mom and invites her ideas for student assignments. “As a parent of seven kids, my mom has a great perspective of a teacher’s communication with a parent,” he said.

His mom taught several of his friends, his older brother, Matt, and friends of his brothers, Joe said.

“They’ve always talked about how much they loved her as a teacher, and I was never really surprised by it because I’ve had her in my life for 29 years,” he said. “She’s teaching me something all the time.”