We have become so accustomed to the white-haired Joseph depicted in so many paintings and icons that we almost take it for granted that he was an old man. Where does this idea come from? Scripture tells us nothing about his age, but the tradition that Joseph was an aged widower with children of his own reaches back at least to the second century. It served to emphasize the perpetual virginity of Our Lady, and also offered a possible explanation for the so-called “brethren” of Jesus in the Gospels.
However, already in the early Church there existed a contrary tradition that Joseph was a young man who had never been married. One of its most zealous champions, St. Jerome, engaged in a fierce debate with a certain Helvidius, a Roman layman who argued that Mary and Joseph had normal marital relations after the birth of Jesus. Jerome, however, countered: “You say that Mary did not continue a virgin: I claim still more, that Joseph himself on account of Mary was a virgin, so that from a virgin wedlock a virgin Son was born” (Contra Helvidium, 21). Jerome’s insight here is a profound one. He claims not only that Joseph happened to be a virgin, but that he freely chose to remain so out of his love for Mary.
This reveals much about the true nature of the vocation to celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom. The image of Joseph as an old man tends to reinforce the idea that celibacy is nothing but a diminishment, a limitation of love or an inability to love. We think of chastity as a simple “no,” a negative value. The image of Joseph as a young man, still unmarried and at the height of his vital powers, helps us to understand virginity and chastity instead as an effusion of love, as love rightly ordered. It is a whole-hearted “yes!” to a higher love, a total gift of self to another person, which then as a consequence simply makes us unavailable to give ourselves away to another. Joseph loved Mary completely, with his whole heart and with his whole body. And because Mary’s whole heart and body were given exclusively to God, Joseph took on Mary’s virginity and made it his own. By giving himself completely to her, he was by that very fact given to God.
But how, then, can we speak of Joseph as Mary’s “husband” in any real sense? Here Scripture is crystal clear: Joseph and Mary were indeed truly married. In the space of a few verses, Matthew twice calls Joseph the “husband” of Mary (1:16, 1:19), and Mary the “wife” of Joseph (1:20, 1:24). St. Thomas Aquinas explains that the perfection of marriage consists in “a certain inseparable union of souls” and in “the begetting and upbringing of children” (ST III, q. 29, art. 2). The marriage of Mary and Joseph possessed both of these characteristics, though in a uniquely perfect way. Their hearts were united by the bond of supernatural charity for one another, and although they did not beget Jesus together, they received him and raised him as their common child.
The relationship of Mary and Joseph thus teaches us not only about the virginal vocation but also about the beauty of Christian marriage. The hearts of Mary and Joseph were united by their mutual love of God, in the person of the child Jesus they bore in their arms! Not just any common love or shared interest can join spouses together forever; only a shared love of Jesus can ultimately unite the souls of spouses in an inseparable bond. Furthermore, genuine married love always bears fruit, just as Mary and Joseph did by bringing Jesus to birth and helping him grow. Christian spouses, too, fulfill their mission by bringing Jesus to birth in the world — in the souls of their own children, if God grants them that gift, but ultimately also in the souls of all those in their lives whom they welcome into their home.
Ordained in 2012, Father Koop is a priest in study at The St. Paul Seminary in St. Paul. Father Koop adapted this essay from his May presentation for “Cuppa Joe,” a 10-part series on the spiritual wonders of St. Joseph.
“Cuppa Joe” is a series of 10 talks by 10 theologians on the 10 wonders of St. Joseph, taking place at 10 locations in our archdiocese entrusted to the patronage of our spiritual father. These talks premiere the first Tuesday of the month, March through December, at 4 p.m. — just in time for your afternoon coffee. The next presentation, “Virginal Father of Jesus” by Kelly Wahlquist, will be posted June 1. It was recorded at St. Joseph in Red Wing.
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