Managing, not eliminating, stress is the key

It seems truly incredible that we are living history at this very moment. In fact, most people are not aware when they are making history, but there is no mistaking this reality for those of us living through this uncertain time.

For families facing the difficulties in the late 1940s, Rueben Hill, the late American sociologist, created a theory of family stress, referred to as ABC-X. Hill contended that when an event occurred, which was the “A factor” of this model, the resources the family possessed, or the “B factor,” were brought to the fore as they attempted to manage the event. The meaning they made of the event, based on their resources, was the “C factor” of this theory. The “X factor” was whether the family was able to develop resilience and cope with the situation at hand, or if they went into crisis.

Hill developed his theory in 1949, following the Great Depression and World War II, in which he observed families who were able to manage the stressors these two events presented through the use of the resources they possessed. Their resources included the family’s level of communication, the amount of relational stress they faced, the financial concerns they carried, the level of work-family conflict they encountered, and the amount of parenting stress they dealt with. These factors seem remarkably similar to the stressors faced by so many families of today, as we are managing the effects of the pandemic and the presidential election.

The most important aspect of Hill’s theory is the B factor, or the resources, the family has at hand to manage the stressor, or stressors, they face. These resources typically include the family’s level and depth of faith, the amount of camaraderie the family created prior to the event, and their ability to work together and see the positive aspects of each day, as they offer gratitude in the midst of the event.

Occurrences such as a pandemic and a contentious election are not overcome, but rather endured. As we have managed the impact of the day-to-day changes that happened throughout this past year, we likely noticed we became stronger and more resilient with each day. We got into the groove of this new way of life and began to use new ways of communicating, spending money, talking out conflict and working together in more effective ways.

How have you, or your family members, managed the events of the pandemic and the contentious election? It has been said that a non-reflective life is not worth living. This is the time to think deeply about how the experiences of this past year have affected you and made you and your family stronger and more resilient. Rather than focus on what you have lost, take time to focus on what you have gained during this time.

Offer gratitude for even the small things in your life. Spend meaningful time with important people and take the time to tell them how much they mean to you. Spend your money thoughtfully, seeing it as a gift from God to be used wisely. And approach Lent with a prayerful posture, asking God to help you focus on the things he wants you to focus on, and let go of things of little importance. As my mother-in-law used to ask as Easter approached: “Have you had a good Lent?”

Soucheray is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a member of St. Ambrose in Woodbury. She holds a master’s degree in theology from The St. Paul Seminary School of Divinity in St. Paul and a doctorate in educational leadership from St. Mary’s University of Minnesota.