In recent months, scenes of protests, rioting and looting around the country have flashed across television screens in the wake of the death of George Floyd while in police custody in Minneapolis last May. On Jan. 6, rioters protesting the presidential election results stormed the U.S. Capitol, leaving four people dead. A police officer died from his injuries the next day.
“Practicing Catholic” radio show host Patrick Conley asked guest Sarah McCauley, a licensed associate marriage and family therapist at Clearwater Counseling in Woodbury, whether the events exist as flash-in-the-pan moments or, with other contributing factors, are part of a cultural shift. She shared her perspective on a segment of the 9 p.m. Jan. 29 radio show on Relevant Radio 1330 AM.
Sarah McCauley
Saying she views the world through a very systemic lens, McCauley said individuals don’t exist in isolation. And being in relationship with others is not easy. “We’re always going to have discord and disagreement,” she said. “The way we express them and the way things may build up can look very different. … I work with a lot of couples and I see … ‘the pressure cooker moments’ of ‘we don’t talk about it’ — (it) all kind of gets pushed down, builds up and explodes.”
McCauley did not see the civil unrest as “very isolated instances.” They’re bigger than they’ve been in a long time because “there’s a lot of big feelings associated with this,” she said.
Asked why civil disobedience continues despite today’s many communication tools, McCauley said it’s hard to have empathy and see the humanity behind a text message, tweet or post.
“True dialogue comes from seeing the person as a complex being and (recognizing) that sometimes a conclusion or an agreement or a decision isn’t black or white,” she said. “That compromise and embracing your own humility of, ‘I could be wrong. I could make concessions. Maybe I haven’t been thinking about this correctly or have been limited.’ Checking your own ego to engage in dialogue, human to human.” She added that defensiveness is a roadblock to communication. “You’re not going to hear if you’re feeling attacked.”
Conley asked McCauley what people can do when they want to vent their anger or frustration on Facebook or Twitter. She said that sense of immediacy has become problematic: “Immediately putting our opinion out there or immediately challenging someone, and the lack of tone that can be conveyed … when we rush through a complex thought … (it) may not come out as clearly as we want it or it may come out harsher.”
Instead, she suggests people challenge others charitably. There’s time for a megaphone and there’s a time to reflect on the quiet, still, small voice within ourselves, she said. And know that there’s a time for a public forum and there’s a time for a private conversation.
McCauley suggested listeners reflect in their own prayer life about “How am I trusting my neighbor? Where is pride holding me back? To pray for an increased dialogue and ability to hear each other … and most of all, … courage to take action, when it is needed to make change in our own life, in our own family.”
“Practicing Catholic” is produced by Relevant Radio and the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis.
Other guest interviews on the Jan. 29 “Practicing Catholic” show are Bishop Andrew Cozzens from the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, who discusses the call to missionary discipleship, and Libby DuPont and Shehan Perera, who describe an upcoming Living in Love Newly Married Retreat.
Listen to their interviews after they have aired:
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Practicing Catholic on Spotify
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