Cosette DeCesare
Catholicism has been so much a part of my identity and familial heritage that I didn’t even know I took it for granted, but I did for many years. I was born Catholic — a “cradle Catholic,” as they say. I am the accidental, undeserving inheritor of a rich intellectual, religious and philosophical tradition.
While I went through the motions very tepidly during my youth, in my 20s and part of my 30s, I was simultaneously drawn to the faith at the same time. Something prompted me to keep going to Mass and participate in the sacraments despite my lukewarmness, even when I did not feel like it. It’s a discipline I embraced — to just keep showing up — and I am so glad I did!
I continued to show up to Mass and confession even while active in alcohol and drug addiction. Of course, I did! I went into the Church just as I was — broken, addicted, sinful and hurting. And this is exactly who the Church is for: not the perfect and pure, but the broken, addicted, sinful, hurting and messy humans that we are. God met me where I was at.
I met compassion and kindness in the priest opposite me in the confessional and in the eyes of my fellow communicants at the kiss of peace at Mass during those years. I received the holy Eucharist, which I know was spiritual nutrition that provided me sustenance. There is no telling how valuable this was to me during that particular time in my life.
By God’s grace, I entered long-term sobriety some years ago. Once my head cleared, I was able to begin to dive into all the rich history and tradition I had inherited. Through the sacrament of reconciliation and 12-step recovery I have been able to remove from my life very real obstacles to the grace that is available to all of us.
No longer is my position that of passive, tepid inheritor, but rather one of full participation. Old thinking still crops up from time to time, feeling like not going to Mass. I go anyway. Because at the very least I have never left Mass thinking, “I wish I had not come. I got nothing out of that.” That has literally never happened to me. I always leave with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction because I have just participated in a centuries-old ritual that has been handed down to me to benefit from. It’s actually gorgeous when you think about it.
DeCesare, 44, is a parishioner of Our Lady of Grace in Edina. She and her husband, Brian, have been married 22 years and have three daughters. DeCesare serves at her parish in eucharistic adoration, as an extraordinary minister of holy Communion in senior living facilities, and with a loaves and fishes program. Her hobbies include yoga and reading.
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