Mike Cerney recalls when he and his wife, Ann, were in what he called “the misery stage of our marriage.” Ann signed them up for a weekend at Twin Cities Retrouvaille, a program for married couples facing difficult challenges in their relationship.
Mike reluctantly agreed to attend the Friday evening to Sunday afternoon program, and the week before, he said the couple suffered more breakdowns in their marriage. “I was in total denial that we were even having issues, and the program just worked its way through exactly what we were going through.”
Mike and Ann Cerney
Ann recalled that, before Retrouvaille, the two weren’t talking to one another, didn’t know how to communicate with each other and were both living what she called “in retrograde” — in effect, a married singles lifestyle. “We were both living pretty much separate lives,” like roommates in the marriage, she said.
Now community coordinators for Twin Cities Retrouvaille, the Cerneys described their experience and what the program can offer to others with troubled marriages during their recent visit with “Practicing Catholic” radio show host Patrick Conley.
The Retrouvaille program focuses on improving communication, building stronger marriages and helping couples reconnect, Ann said. Presenters are not trained marriage counselors — rather, couples share their personal stories of marital struggles and the tools they used to rediscover their love.
Each weekend program normally has three “presenting couples” and a priest, Ann said, and “an angel couple that helps in the background.” Couples usually open up, she said, because, after seeing many marriage counselors, “they’ve finally found something where they can talk to another couple who was going through the exact same thing.” That connection is what helps couples, Ann said, prompting them to start talking to each other.
For most couples in attendance, one spouse typically sees an insurmountable separation ahead, Ann said, while the other sees no problem at all. Once they hear the presenters’ stories, they usually realize that they have been neglecting certain needs in the marriage and their spouse, Ann said.
In today’s society, on television and in movies, marriages are portrayed as disposable, Mike said, which is contrary to the Catholic view of marriage.
“There’s a reason why we fell in love to begin with,” he said. “There’s a reason why we chose our lives back in the day when we walked down that aisle and said before all of our friends and relatives and God himself that I take this person ‘til death. And this is something worth working on.”
Ann suggested that people interested in Retrouvaille visit the organization’s international website to learn more, find upcoming dates for programs near them and register: HelpOurMarriage.org.
During the interview, Ann mentioned that the couples they see at Retrouvaille usually deal with at least one of three big issues, and each starts with the letter “A.” To learn what they are and to listen to the full interview, tune into this episode of the “Practicing Catholic” radio show. It airs at 9 p.m. July 23, 1 p.m. July 24 and 2 p.m. July 25 on Relevant Radio 1330 AM.
Produced by Relevant Radio and the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, the latest show also includes interviews with Bishop Andrew Cozzens, who tackles some tough questions about artificial contraception and Catholic teaching, and Bridget Busacker, founder of Managing Your Fertility, whose online shop offers fertility awareness resources for women and couples.
Listen to all of the interviews after they have aired at:
soundcloud.com/PracticingCatholic
tinyurl.com/PracticingCatholic (Spotify)
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