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Jesus is the greatest of all marriage counselors. His advice is simple and straightforward: “Love one another as I love you” (Jn 15:12). His example reveals the high road and the preferred choices for couples as they make the journey of married life together.
Jesus went to the synagogue or the Temple every Sabbath. Go to church and attend Mass together each weekend. Jesus also went off by himself to pray. Set aside quality time, find a private place, quiet yourselves and pray together, ideally every day.
Jesus was constantly teaching and preaching, he shared tremendous amounts of information with his disciples, and he was an excellent communicator. Chat constantly with your spouse. Speak openly, honestly and often. Share what you know. Do not hold back. The information you share builds and strengthens the bonds of love.
When Jesus taught his disciples, there were many times that they failed to comprehend what he was trying to say. Jesus was frustrated with them at times, but he did not get angry, and he frequently needed to re-explain his message to them. If your spouse does not understand you, be patient, do not get angry, and find another way to better express yourself.
Jesus went fishing on the Sea of Galilee with his disciples. Go on fishing trips together. The opportunities are excellent for couples in the state of Minnesota with all our lakes. If you do not like fishing, go to the lake anyway. Spend time together swimming, water skiing, going for boat rides, or enjoying yourselves on the lakeshore.
Jesus went on walks with his disciples. Go for walks together. Take a hike. Go for a bike ride.
Jesus traveled to many different places with his disciples, to Chorazin and Bethsaida, Tyre and Sidon, the Decapolis and Samaria. Go on trips with your spouse, up along the North Shore or to the state parks, to the Iron Range or the bluffs along the Mississippi River, and during the winter months, go to Florida or Arizona.
Jesus went with his disciples to the big city, Jerusalem. Take a vacation to a big city, nearby to the Windy City, Chicago, or farther to the Big Apple, New York, or the City of Angels, Los Angeles, or maybe across the ocean to Paris or Rome.
Jesus ate with his disciples and sometimes went to banquets with them. Share as many meals as possible with your spouse, and sometimes go out to a nice restaurant.
Jesus worked great miracles. Do great and mighty deeds with and for each other. Be a partner with your Creator God in the miracle of having children. Raise a family. Calm storms with your even temperament. Cast out evil spirits with your courageous faith and fierce conviction.
Jesus had great compassion for the sick and he healed many. When your spouse is sick, be present and provide comfort, support, encouragement and assistance.
Jesus washed his disciples’ feet. Do menial tasks together. Be partners cooking meals, cleaning the house, doing laundry, shopping, doing fixit projects and running errands.
Jesus was disappointed with his disciples when they fought among themselves, and he was hurt by his disciples when they betrayed, abandoned and denied him. Jesus kept his composure, did not yell or scream, and did not punish. Instead, remarkably, he said, “Peace be with you” and he forgave them. When your spouse disappoints or hurts you, keep your composure, do not yell and scream, do not retaliate or try to get even, be compassionate, and forgive.
In the end, Jesus laid down his life for his friends. Lay down your life for your spouse. Do everything possible for your spouse’s benefit.
Father Van Sloun is the clergy services director for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. This column is part of a series on the sacrament of marriage.
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