Kidney donation a ‘rescue mission’ from God

After a fellow parishioner from St. Hubert in Chanhassen sent out a desperate email last winter pleading for a kidney donation to save her husband’s life, a series of events led Dave Hoffman to believe God was calling him on a “rescue mission.” In a short span of time, the 50-year-old father of two was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester donating a kidney. “God is all over this,” said Hoffman, a tax manager at Cargill.  

Q) A few days after you received the email about Brian, you prayed, “God, I don’t have a lot of time to pray about this kidney thing, so if you want me to do something here, you’ll have to make it obvious.” That’s so relatable. We all feel busy! 

A) Right. I too easily dismiss something — “Oh, I’m too busy” — and move onto the next thing. I just need to show up.

Q) After that quick prayer, you headed to Mass and listened to the Gospel where St. John the Baptist preaches about the end times and instructs people, “Whoever has two cloaks should share with the person who has none.” You had two healthy kidneys at the time — Brian had none.

A) That was God being very obvious with me. This got the ball rolling. A few weeks later, I was driving in rural Wisconsin, kind of lost, and I realized it was almost noon and figured there must be a Relevant Radio station around there broadcasting the Mass. Before Mass began, the priest read a quote attributed to St. Margaret of Hungary: “Many of the people who look forward to a long life put off doing good works … as for me, I prefer to be among those who consider that they have no time to lose if they wish to give God all the glory they can.”

Q) Two months later, you and your wife drove to the Cathedral on a whim, where Father Joseph Bambenek happened to be celebrating Mass. He was your high school bandmate in Hastings.

A) It was the feast of St. Joseph, and he gave a beautiful homily about why God would choose Joseph to be the foster father of God — because he knew Joseph would respond when called upon.

Q) Your memory of him from high school was how quiet he was — and there he was, preaching with passion at the pulpit of the Cathedral!

A) Right! I was the drum major, so I was trying to rev people up, and I couldn’t get him to say much. Now he’s a great preacher.

Q) The next day you saw an article in the Star Tribune with the headline, “Kidney Donors Climb Mount Kilimanjaro.” And the following day, you emailed to ask Amy if Brian still needed a kidney. At that point you were convinced this was God’s will.

A) I was very, very sure.

Q) Was it still scary to send that email?

A) Yes. It felt like I was shoving off into unchartered waters. I tried to keep busy with work and family. But then my desire started to change. I went from feeling like, “Let’s see if I’m a match” to “I really, really want to be a match.”

Q) Brian and you became friends. Father Aric Aamodt, the associate pastor, anointed you both in June, and your families began to bond. Before they’d simply been acquaintances who you occasionally ran into at school and Mass. Four days later, the successful transplant surgeries took place. Two weeks later, you were back to work — from home — and a month after that you were running 5ks.

A) Brian and I are doing a lot of unpacking together. I don’t need all the answers. That’s not my role. We’re just glad that we got to part of it. Our conversations are deep. We just got together on Saturday night for a bonfire at our house. His friendship is a true gift.

Q) How else has God blessed your generosity?

A) I feel more in relationship with God the Father, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. The idea that this world is a struggle between good and evil and that we’re all family and in this together — those aren’t just remote ideas for me. They’re very real now.

Q) Tell me more.

A) It’s a feeling that I’m more part of a team, and I can converse, and we’re working together on a project. I don’t even know what the project is! It’s like, “Hey, what are we going to do today, God?”

Q) Put me in, Coach!

A) Probably the answer will be: You’re going to work on taxes and then pick up your daughter for soccer, which is fine — I like that too.

Q) Soccer is fine. You’ve been on a wild journey! 

A) God was so gentle and loving in leading me along. I keep notebooks. Basic, spiral-bound notebooks. I’m on No. 8. Going back and looking at my notebooks, I see how God was preparing me for this over many years. It started with a reawakening of the faith, what I call “an invasion of grace” and being geared toward helping people. Then, for whatever reason, in 2019, I decided to get healthier. I lost about 25 pounds, started exercising and cut back on alcohol — all things that are very helpful for people who are going to donate a kidney.

Q) Has your rediscovery of Catholicism rubbed off on your 15-year-old and 12-year-old?

A) I don’t know how it happened. They used to fight me about going to Mass. Now it’s a highlight for them. They want to do everything — be eucharistic ministers, usher, Leo wants to be a soundboard operator. We show up at 5:15 for 6 p.m. Mass and we stay late and they don’t complain!

Q) What do you love about being Catholic?

A) I love the fullness. It’s seldom an either-or, more often it’s a both-and. Sacred Scripture and Sacred tradition. Faith and works. We can come to know God through faith and reason.

Q) How has this kidney donation shifted your thinking about gift giving?

A) It’s hard for people to receive gifts. For Brian, it was hard for him to receive this gift. I had the easier role. Early on in the process, he told me, “If this all works out, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to thank you.” I didn’t know how to respond. I mentioned it to the Mayo social worker, and she said, “If he says that again, you just say, ‘Live a good life. Be happy.’” So, I told him that the next time he brought it up. And now his family has a little sign above the fireplace that says, “Live a good life.” I guess it was for sale at the Mayo gift shop.

Q) Sometimes “thank you” doesn’t feel like enough. You just have to gratefully accept the gift, knowing words are inadequate.

A) And that’s OK.

Q) We’re entering into a season of giving thanks. What have you come to understand about the role of gratitude in the spiritual life? 

A) Gratitude leads to joy. And we’re all created for joy. It’s hard to be crabby when you make a habit out of counting your blessings.