The first thing to do when feeling resentment is to pause and “make space” to understand the emotion, advised Michelle Muff, a marriage and family therapist in Waseca, who spoke about letting go of resentment in a recent “Practicing Catholic” radio show interview.
“The neuroscience says, ‘If you can name the emotion, you can tame the emotion,’” Muff said. “One of my favorite quotes is from Viktor Frankl (author of “Man’s Search for Meaning,” 1946) who says between stimulus and response there is a space. And in that space is the power to choose a response, and in that response lies our growth and freedom.”
Michelle Muff
“So, freedom lies in choosing to respond rather than to react,” she continued. “And that means we have to pause and name that emotion and bring that up to the Father, bring that up to Jesus, connect our heart to him as Catholics.”
Speaking to “Practicing Catholic” host Patrick Conley, Muff said the next step is forgiveness, which she described as “the ointment of the soul.”
Forgiveness is often misunderstood, she said, especially for people who have experienced trauma. “They have a right to be angry for many of the things and the grievances and the abuse that they have received,” she said. “So sometimes it’s really important to process the blame first, and only after that you’re feeling it, then can you move into forgiveness. And depending on the offense, it may make time and many opportunities over and over to forgive before the heart is cleansed of that resentment.”
Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting the offender get away with the offense, Muff said. Rather, “forgiveness is about going and freeing yourself from toxicity,” she said. “Think of it like a cord wrapped around your neck. Is the resentment tied to the offender? Do you want to keep that tied, or do you want to be set free?”
Muff also gave advice on how to process conflict with a spouse or family members. To hear her recommendations, to the full interview 9 p.m. Sept. 30 during the “Practicing Catholic” show, which repeats 1 p.m. Oct. 1 and 2 p.m. Oct. 2 on Relevant Radio 1330 AM.
Produced by Relevant Radio and the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, the latest show also includes interviews with Michael Naughton, director of the Center for Catholic Studies at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, who discusses how to reclaim time on Sundays to develop meaningful connections with family members and friends; and Teresa Collett, a law professor and director of the Prolife Center at the University of St. Thomas, who describes her work in a private capacity supporting a group of pro-life mothers called MOMS (Mothers Offering Maternal Support) to protect life at the state level.
Listen to their interviews after they have aired at:
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