A young person wrote to me today with a question about their new-found passion for the Catholic Faith and the difficulty they are having with their “cradle-Catholic” family.
So, I shared a few words of advice I hope are helpful, and it may be helpful for others too.
I wanted to email you specifically in regards to passion. I have so much newly founded passion for the church. The more I learn about the catechism, the more this passion grows. I want everyone to know about the gifts of the church and the importance of tradition etc.
I am a cradle catholic, but my family rarely talks about the faith. They become bothered every time I refer to a major tenet of the church (ex: the Catholic Church is the one true church). It seems every honest conversation I TRY to have becomes either 1.) a debate or 2.) what feels like a lecture. I blame mostly my ability to communicate (or lack thereof).
I am praying for my family to recognize the importance of learning about the church, but I am praying especially for my ability to share these things with others. I need to learn how to harness my passion without becoming angry. This is something I am struggling with mightily. I know from your videos, that you too are very passionate about these things. Is this something that you deal with as well? Do you have any tips for someone like me?
My response:
Age has a lot to do with it, which is why I asked you your age. You are only 25 years old. Parents and family have been around awhile. They are set in their ways (as you probably will be when you are their age). They seem to have become calloused to some things, like religion and other controversial topics. When you have a callous on your hand, you don’t feel anything on that skin because the callous protects. People tend to accrue mental and emotional callouses with age.
Older people, like myself at 67 now, love the passion of youth, but we realize it is often uninformed and we expect that when the young person gets a bit older they will calm down, the idealism will mellow out, and they will become wise with age — “like us.” This is too often the wrong attitude, but it is the tendency of age. This is why Jesus praised the children and said if we are like them (eager to learn, open to the truth, simple of mind and heart) we will inherit the kingdom of God. The opposite is also true.
Young people are perceived (and often for good reason) to have idealism and zeal without the wisdom of experience and age. Young people perceive older people to be frozen, hardened, and lacking zeal and enthusiasm. And most unfortunately are.
Remember that family is the hardest of all categories of human relationships to deal with. It is because you are so close. They often consider their family member, especially young ones, to be arrogant, pushy, and all of a sudden — a-know-it-all. They think, “We have already been through all of that, we already know and we are not going to get sucked into an argument or be influenced by this young new zealot.”
Go slow with them. Earn their respect with your prudence and charity — and your growing wisdom. Wisdom can be defined as knowledge tempered by experience and time.
Revelation 3:15-16 “I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.’
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