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Mass was different last weekend. The parish was the same, we did not have a visiting priest, and the cantor was a regular who did a beautiful job. Yet, this Mass experience was profoundly different. What made it so unique? The reason it felt so strange was that my husband and I sat alone in our pew. After 26 years of raising five children, we had dropped off our youngest at college the day before. Here we sat, alone.
For those of you who have experience as “empty nesters,” you can probably remember the mixture of emotions that comes with it. I find myself crying one minute then giving my husband a “high five” the next. A feeling of surprise at how quickly the time has gone is mixed with grief, hope, expectation, anticipation, reflection, and a certain sense of unease.
My husband and I had anticipated this day, talked with people about how best to plan, and asked about what to do when it arrives. In all of planning, preparing, and discussing, however, I am not certain that I ever truly believed that the day would, indeed, arrive. It did. And 24 hours later, we sat alone in a pew, looking around the parish community that we love so dearly, with an oddly new set of eyes.
It seems “fitting,” as Thomas Aquinas would say, that our first outing as empty nesters was to Mass at our parish. We were married at this parish 29 years ago, and we raised our children in the faith within the walls of this building and among the people of this community. Our parish community has supported us throughout our journey beginning as young newlyweds, to becoming young parents, through the challenging years of parenting adolescents, to the journey of parenting young adults.
Early in our marriage, the archdiocese offered a program within parishes called “Renew.” “Renew groups,” were small faith sharing groups within parishes that met on a regular basis to pray with one another and discuss certain materials provided by the church. My husband and I joined. The decision to join that group changed our lives. When we signed up, we were committing to a short-term program. Twenty-two years later, we continue to meet with the members of our group, and those relationships are some of the most meaningful relationships in my life.
During that first year of our Renew group, we formed friendships with one another, friendships that were founded in Christ and a desire to grow closer to him. As members of our small group, we supported each other as we birthed babies, raised children, and grieved the loss of loved ones. Together we journeyed through the difficulties of child-rearing, job changes, faith struggles, and the challenges of daily life. We also celebrated sacraments together, our children’s accomplishments and graduations, and we now accompany one another as our children leave the nest to begin families of their own. I love the members of my small group and can honestly say that they have not only made my life better, but they have also made me a better person because of their Christian witness and their friendship.
It is because of this profoundly positive experience with our small faith sharing group that my husband and I plan to participate in a Synod small group at our parish. I was asked by a member of our parish Synod committee why I decided to join a Synod small group. My answer: because I love Holy Mother Church, and I love the pastor and people of my parish community.
As my husband and I begin a new chapter in life as empty nesters, I can think of no better way to start the journey than with the support of others from our parish. And if you see us at Mass, feel free to join us in our pew! Although our family used to fill the space, as empty nesters, we now have room for more.
Patnode and her husband, Dan, have been members of Holy Name of Jesus in Medina for 30 years. Patnode serves as Director for the Catholic School Leadership graduate certificate at the Saint Paul Seminary School of Divinity at the University of St. Thomas.
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