Man receives kidney from a friend who ‘never had a doubt’ she would be a match

Patty Stibal got to be queen for a day on Jan. 21.

Her “throne” was the unlikeliest of places — a hospital bed at Hennepin County Medical Center in downtown Minneapolis.

Yet there she was, wearing a tiara and holding court with her husband, Mike, their two adult sons, plus a group of doctors and medical staff waiting to wheel her into surgery.

She received her royal welcome, including the tiara, when she arrived at the hospital early that morning to complete the noblest of tasks — donate a kidney to friend and former co-worker Kyle Finken, a father of three whose kidneys were failing.

HCMC’s transplant coordinator, Jennifer Bodner, had been joking about how Stibal’s generosity and bravery in doing “this totally altruistic act” made her a queen of sorts. One of Stibal’s friends overheard the remark and decided to bring a tiara to the hospital for Stibal to don as she prepared for surgery.

And wear it Stibal did, right up until being wheeled out for the procedure at 7:30 a.m.

“It was kind of fun,” said Stibal, 58. “Everyone that walked by my bed, they’d just giggle.”

Stibal’s next move in her hospital bed, however, was much more serious. Using oil brought in by Finken’s wife, Bernadette, Stibal anointed the hands of every medical staff member in the room, including the surgeon. Thus was set in motion a selfless act of giving —plus a grateful act of receiving.

The story began in 2018, when Finken was told that his kidneys were failing due to Alport syndrome, a genetic disease that can also affect the eyes and hearing. Finken either would have to go on dialysis or get a transplant. He chose the latter, which had much better prospects for long-term health and survival. In the summer of 2019, Bernadette put out a plea for a donor on Facebook and emailed select people.

Stibal was on that list. She and Finken had met in 2009 at St. Joseph in Rosemount, where she worked and where he was a member after moving to Apple Valley with his wife and children. He became an employee in 2016, and a friendship developed. Finken, who has spent much of his adult life working in parish ministry, got to know Stibal while he did weekly Communion services at the parish and she babysat his children. Due to her friendly nature and constant presence at the receptionist desk, she was “easy to talk to,” he said, making it natural for him to bring up personal issues. Finken, who loves to cook, also would make dinners for Stibal and Father Paul Jarvis, who was pastor of St. Joseph from 2011 to 2015.

After they became co-workers, Stibal learned of his kidney trouble and stayed in touch with him after she left her job as an administrative assistant at St. Joseph to work at St. Michael in Farmington.

“She used to tease me: ‘I’ll be your donor; I have your kidney,’” said Finken, 49. “It’s really amazing how things came around.”

Said Stibal: “I was teasing. But, honestly, I knew.”

Her desire turned to action when she got the email from Finken’s wife. She contacted Bodner at HCMC “within hours of getting the email,” stepping forward as a candidate. Privacy regulations at HCMC prevented Finken from knowing at that time.

Despite the battery of tests that lay ahead, Stibal was unshaken in her belief that she would be a match for Finken. The conviction was rooted in her mother’s kidney problems more than a decade earlier.

“I lost my mom almost 11 years ago to renal failure,” Stibal said. “She wasn’t able to be a recipient (for a new kidney due to declining health). So, I knew, 11 years ago, that at some point … I would do this for somebody.”

When she learned that Finken needed a kidney, she instantly knew she had found her “somebody.”

“I knew that I would be his donor,” she said. “Never had a doubt, never had a fear.”

After weeks of testing, including one all-day session, the kidney transplant team met to review the results and determine Stibal could be a donor for Finken. Meanwhile, Stibal and Finken were having lunch with Father Jarvis. The day was Oct. 4, the feast of St. Francis of Assisi.

The three were seated in a booth at Taste of Scandanavia in Bloomington. Stibal’s phone rang. She saw Bodner’s number on the caller identification, then squeezed past Father Jarvis to take the call in the restaurant lobby. Bodner relayed to Stibal the transplant team’s decision: She had been approved.

Stibal hurried back to the table to tell Finken.

“Kyle got up and we hugged,” Stibal recalled. “I think we were both stunned. It was hard to know what to say. And honestly, I think it was the first time Father Paul has been without words.”

For the Finkens, that the news came on the feast of St. Francis had added significance. Several years ago, Bernadette had a miscarriage. They decided to name that baby Francis. “So, it was interesting on the feast day of St. Francis that we would be together and hear this great news,” Finken said.

The transplant surgery took place 3 1/2 months later and went smoothly. It was done by 11 a.m., and the following morning, Kyle got out of bed and walked down the hallway to see Stibal. “I was kind of surprised because I hadn’t been out of my bed yet,” she said. “And, he was already up and walking.”

Stibal left the hospital three days after the surgery, and Kyle left the day after that. She went back to work two weeks later and has been healthy since. She now works as an administrative assistant and bookkeeper at St. Bonaventure in Bloomington, where she also is a parishioner. Finken is a care and support coordinator at Pax Christi in Eden Prairie. His recovery has progressed well, except for getting a mild case of COVID-19 in early October. The anti-rejection drugs he takes are known to reduce the body’s ability to fight disease and infection, he said, so his positive COVID test was not a surprise.

Finken called the entire process of looking for a donor, then having Stibal step forward to give one of her kidneys to him “humbling.”

“She’s given me life, and she’s given me a friendship — a faith-filled friendship,” he said. “She is giving not just myself life, but she’s giving it also to my wife, to my kids, to my brothers and sisters, so I can continue to be the person that God has called me to be. It truly is remarkable about (her) willingness to sacrifice this part of (herself) for someone. It shows Patty’s generosity, it shows her love for life and love for others.”

Stibal credits divine providence both for how well things went and for her steadfast faith throughout.

“God’s hand has been in this from the very beginning, guiding and leading the whole process,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever made a decision that I have felt so sure about. I didn’t have any reservations. My husband fully supported (it). My (two) boys supported.”

She continued: “My youngest son is 25. When I was telling (him and his brother), he was very quiet. And, he just said, ‘Well, I just have one thing to say. Mom, if you can save your friend, you should save your friend.’ And, that’s how simple this process was for me. If I can do this, I should.”

Father Jarvis offered a spiritual view.

“It is a resurrection story,” said Father Jarvis, now at St. Bridget in Minneapolis. “I just think it’s providential that somebody who is not even related to Kyle would be the best possible match, and somebody who considers Kyle … to be a brother to her.”

The bond the two now possess is like having another sibling, they said. Their families also have gotten to know each other, getting together numerous times, starting before the transplant surgery. Both Stibal and Finken believe their bond will last a lifetime.

“Patty’s right here on my left side,” Finken said, gesturing to the location of his kidney. “And so, I do think we’re definitely closer (as friends).”

Beyond their own lives, their story can inspire and touch others, perhaps prompting others to consider organ donation. Finken talks freely about his experience, and Stibal has fielded calls from people about kidney donation.

“It inspired a lot of people here at St. Bridget,” said Father Jarvis, who once told the story in a homily, though didn’t name Stibal or Finken. “A number of people were inspired and impressed by (Stibal’s) example, and now parishioners are looking into either donating organs after they’ve passed on or being (living) donors. … I think a lot of people feel that they would like to donate an organ, but other things come their way or life gets busy and they forget about it.”

Father Jarvis himself has looked into organ donation and recently updated his medical directive to indicate he would like to donate organs after he dies.

Organ donation, he said, is connected to the Gospel: “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Even amid COVID-19 restrictions, kidney transplants are still taking place, noted Bodner, a parishioner of St. Hubert in Chanhassen. About 50 are done every year at HCMC.

“Right now, there’s well over 100,000 people on the wait list,” she said, which is why it can take many years for someone in need of a transplant to find a donor.

With so many lives lost during the current pandemic, Stibal and Finken want to spread the word about a life saved — and improved — by kidney transplant. Now, maybe more than ever, some good news is needed.

“I just hope it brings hope,” Finken said of their story, “in this time of darkness, uncertainty, confusion, sadness … because there’s so many more good people out there. There’s so many more good stories than there are bad stories, and we need to hear those good stories.”