The good in each day

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My husband and I had a few hours off together in mid-September on a lovely Friday afternoon and we decided to visit a local apple orchard. We found a parking space in the already-overfull lot, and as he carefully opened his door in an effort not to hit the car next to us, I found myself once again so grateful for this man I chose to marry nearly 40 years ago. His moral fiber is as intact today as it was all those decades ago, and I welled up with gratitude for how this guiding factor in our marriage has been such a gift to me, our marriage and our family.

Taking a moment to notice special surprises with a grateful heart is a suggestion made by St. Gianna Beretta Molla, as she states “the secret of happiness is to live moment by moment and to thank God for what He is sending us every day in His goodness.” It is so easy in this chaotic time to miss the moments to offer gratitude to God for his grace and his presence. Offering a message of gratefulness to someone, stopping to thank God for his goodness or even keeping a gratitude journal are all suggestions from the experts to help us focus on finding the good in each day.

Martin P. Seligman, professor at the University of Pennsylvania and the father of positive psychology, conducted an experiment regarding happiness. He instructed half of his study participants to write a letter of gratitude to someone from their childhood, whom they had never thanked, for a kindness they had extended to them. He found that in doing so, these study subjects experienced a significant increase in their happiness scores, as opposed to those participants who did not take a moment to think of someone who had done something nice for them.

Clearly, taking time to notice the good and provide a verbal or written message of gratitude seems to be good for us. In this day and age, when we are unsure of which way our country and our world are moving, we must take every opportunity to see the good and offer our thanks for that good. Particularly in our marriages, as the impact of COVID-19 and the presidential election continues, we are likely feeling more uncertainty about the future. We likely have a deep desire to return to something that looks and feels like normal, and yet we have no guarantee of when, or if, that will happen. What we do have is today.

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Take time this week to notice the good things in your life. Whether it is a completed intention by your spouse, or an expressed intention, take time to extend a word of gratitude. As your children and adolescents continue to manage the school schedule and all the chaos the pandemic has created for them, take time to send an email to their teachers, offering a note of thanks and perhaps a well-wish for a happy and prosperous holiday season. In your work setting, take a few moments to offer a message of gratitude to your employees or coworkers, sharing with them your feelings of relief that they are sharing this unpredictable time with you, helping you each day to find normalcy amid the turmoil. We will get through this time and we must trust that we will become stronger and more resilient through the difficulties it presents us. And we must remember that a little gratitude goes a long way.

Soucheray is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a member of Guardian Angels in Oakdale. She holds a master’s degree in theology from The St. Paul Seminary School of Divinity in St. Paul and a doctorate in educational leadership from St. Mary’s University of Minnesota.