One of the most cherished virtues of our present-day society is kindness. The gospel of kindness, if you will, is preached to us in many different ways, be it in the form of yard signs that proclaim “kindness is everything,” to T-shirts admonishing us to “be kind.”

The breezy ubiquity of these calls for kindness, and their tendency to be connected with progressive social causes that emphasize a sort of laissez-faire tolerance of any and all “lifestyle choices,” has prompted criticism from some of my Catholic friends of kindness itself. I’ve heard kindness dismissed as empty, “soft,” unmanly and even a harmful reduction of authentic Christianity, which calls us to bravely and boldly proclaim the truth, without concern for the sensibilities and potential “hurt feelings” of those who need correction.

I think these friends are right to point out the inadequacy of society’s version of kindness. You know something is suspect when signs proclaiming the totality of kindness simultaneously posit a right to abortion and unmoored sex. What’s being described in those instances is not kindness, but a genteel moral relativism.

But these friends are wrong to denigrate kindness itself. Kindness, properly understood, is a deeply Christian virtue, and one that our world sorely needs.

It’s easy to find examples of and expressions of kindness from some of our great woman saints, like St. Therese of Lisieux (“Kindness is my only guiding star”) and St. Teresa of Kolkata (“Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile”). But it’s important to make clear that kindness is not a reserve of the fairer sex, but is rather a distinctive mark of Christian life.

The Catechism, citing Galatians 5:22-23, describes kindness as a fruit of the Holy Spirit, a manifestation of the presence of God in our lives (CCC 1832). Scripture is replete with references to kindness, both as a quality of God (Lk 6:35, Rom 2:4, 11:22) and as a moral requisite for Christians (Zec 7:9, 1 Cor 13:4, Col 3:12).

One Catholic dictionary defines kindness as “the quality of understanding sympathy and concern for those in trouble or need. It is shown in affability of speech, generosity of conduct, and forgiveness of injuries sustained.”

So how is Christian kindness different from the version on offer today? The distinction lies in the Christian’s grounding of the moral life in the deeper reality of who we are and who God is. Treating someone kindly is not merely a matter of “making them feel good” or avoiding social unpleasantness. Rather, it flows from the recognition that they are a human being with infinite dignity, created, redeemed and meant for eternal union with God. Kindness, then, is a moral act consistent with man’s supernatural character and end.

And because this is the case, true kindness is not compatible with moral indifference. Sparing someone’s feelings while they choose to close themselves off to God through sin is not kindness. It is complacency, and even complicity, in the face of someone else’s self-harm.

This isn’t an endorsement of socially inept confrontations and “speaking truth to power,” which, like false kindness, is often motivated by pride. Instead, it’s a recognition that true kindness is compatible with and even calls for resisting sin and helping others overcome it.

Like so many other words in our modern lexicon, such as “freedom” and “love,” an impoverished version of “kindness” is now in common usage. I suggest we counteract it not by abandoning kindness, but by embracing and living out the true expression of the word, hopefully with a smile on our face and a kind look in our eyes.

Liedl lives and writes in the Twin Cities.