A painful joy

Whenever October rolls around, I find myself feeling strangely fearful, apprehensive at some unknown darkness lurking nearby. It’s not the fear of the onset of winter, nor even of the glorified evil that shows its face around Halloween. I discovered some years ago that October reminds me of the fear of losing what I have loved. My mother died in October 46 years ago, as did a close college friend that same October. Ever since, October reminds me of the fearful pain of losing what I once loved.

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